I'm biased, but I do think that so many people feel malaise because they have chased after what they thought was the American dream, when they were really just chasing a mirage. When they get there, POOF, it's gone. The real American dream is that we can all self-determine. If you let others set your goals for you, you are bound to be misled.
False gods, and all that. I've completely changed the direction of my interests in retirement. But I have always been true to my principles and beliefs. I never presume that I am right, based on some large scale measure of things. I am merely true to myself, and that's more than enough.
This reminded me of Bukowski's Poem - All the way.
"... If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.”
I too suffer from night malaise. It always feels more simple and tedious than “What have I made of myself.” It’s more like catastrophising the most trivial risks in my life. In short, it’s a bunch of junk.
My personal tool to combat it is being tired from physical activity, which is not always easy to do when I am chained to a desk many hours a day.
This is great insight, John. Physical activity works for me as well. And for my part, it doesn't even need to be that intense. A walk or session in the sauna is enough for full system reset.
This was going to be my comment, but you said it better!! 👏⬇️
"During the day, he focused on work, the grocery store, and a few chores. But as the sun vanishes, so too does his busyness, and he begins to hear the stirrings from within."
You hit on it, Baird. "Existential" is exactly the point. There is so much to learn about who we are simply by observing how people react to the most innocuous things around us. That is one of the reasons I love going back to pre-state and comparing it to the state. Dialing in human nature, the thing you are also so focused on.
In the absence of circumstantial/professional chaos, I assume you’re in support of self-created chaos intended to build resilience, purpose, and continued growth?
Even better when done with others, collective suffering, in effort to transcend that experience?
This concept has become the core of what I discuss in the military/general when giving presentations on stress management/resilience. Managing stress with all the known strategies is great and necessary. Training resilience, however, is best done by continuously creating stress
"Self-created chaos" is the perfect way to put it. I sincerely believe we are meant for a good fight, and through this we earn self-worth. Doing it with others is, as I think Black Hawk would attest to, absolutely crucial.
Society has never been more prepared to let us off the hook.
Do I want to lie a fuge of video games, KFC, and pot smoke?
“It’s all good. Don’t judge. Hey, we’ve all been there!”
But there’s an eternal pushback against such decay that comes from deep within us.
In the quiet moments, we cannot entirely drown out the disquiet, the mild anxiety accusing us: Am I using what I have and fixing what can be fixed, or just decaying?
The identification of the problem is correct but the wrong root cause and hence the solution.
It’s not answering the self judge “what have you made of yourself” that relieves the anxiety at the core. That is, in fact, the source of the anxiety. It’s answering to a higher a power and a higher purpose, and how that power judges your performance and how have your actions advanced that higher purpose.
Even for Sauk it was the approving look of Black Hawk which assured him of his actions and drove him forward.
Phoenix, I appreciate the comment, but I look at it another way.
Paul Tillich is a Christian existentialist, and I agree with his belief that the question we must answer is the one we ask of ourselves. I do not see this as contradicting the Higher Power you're referencing. If anything, it supports it. This would be worth an essay in its own right.
As far as the Sauk, if you haven't read the autobiographies/biographies of Black Hawk, Red Cloud, Plenty Coup, Geronimo, Two Leggings, and others, I couldn't recommend it enough. They were all religious in the sense that they believed in a Higher Power, but their mourning after their way of life ended does not seem to have been relieved by that Higher Power. They lamented again and again about missing the raids on enemy camps, the risk, the danger, the freedom, the autonomy, and proving themselves as worth something in the eyes of their tribes and themselves. It aligned with what I had see in modern warriors as well.
Your conclusion made me think of what I consider to be a “mitzvah”. The strict meaning is one of the 613 commandments given by G-d. I, as a not very practicing Jew, consider a “mitzvah” to do good deeds each day that result in a better world.
I'm biased, but I do think that so many people feel malaise because they have chased after what they thought was the American dream, when they were really just chasing a mirage. When they get there, POOF, it's gone. The real American dream is that we can all self-determine. If you let others set your goals for you, you are bound to be misled.
I think that absolutely comes into it. The busyness of the dream, the grasping, might be why it hurts so many people when they finally slow down.
False gods, and all that. I've completely changed the direction of my interests in retirement. But I have always been true to my principles and beliefs. I never presume that I am right, based on some large scale measure of things. I am merely true to myself, and that's more than enough.
I'm all about it. I've had to take hard lessons learned to figure that point out, but it feels just right in the end.
One of my favorite lines that cuts to the chase: “he is anxious in the absence of real and tangible threats.”
Many poignant questions that I wish people would ask themselves…not to act differently necessarily, but to lead an informed life.
Well said. You’re hitting on Socrates’ “ the unexamined life is not worth living.”
This reminded me of Bukowski's Poem - All the way.
"... If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.”
I had never read this poem - great reference, thank you for sharing.
Another great essay!
I too suffer from night malaise. It always feels more simple and tedious than “What have I made of myself.” It’s more like catastrophising the most trivial risks in my life. In short, it’s a bunch of junk.
My personal tool to combat it is being tired from physical activity, which is not always easy to do when I am chained to a desk many hours a day.
This is great insight, John. Physical activity works for me as well. And for my part, it doesn't even need to be that intense. A walk or session in the sauna is enough for full system reset.
This was going to be my comment, but you said it better!! 👏⬇️
"During the day, he focused on work, the grocery store, and a few chores. But as the sun vanishes, so too does his busyness, and he begins to hear the stirrings from within."
Can we say "existential angst"? Yes we can.
You hit on it, Baird. "Existential" is exactly the point. There is so much to learn about who we are simply by observing how people react to the most innocuous things around us. That is one of the reasons I love going back to pre-state and comparing it to the state. Dialing in human nature, the thing you are also so focused on.
Yes, we are mining similar veins, each through our preferred paradigm. I'm gaining valuable perspective from your writing Sam.
One of the best posts I’ve read.
In the absence of circumstantial/professional chaos, I assume you’re in support of self-created chaos intended to build resilience, purpose, and continued growth?
Even better when done with others, collective suffering, in effort to transcend that experience?
This concept has become the core of what I discuss in the military/general when giving presentations on stress management/resilience. Managing stress with all the known strategies is great and necessary. Training resilience, however, is best done by continuously creating stress
Thank you again. Will be saving this one.
"Self-created chaos" is the perfect way to put it. I sincerely believe we are meant for a good fight, and through this we earn self-worth. Doing it with others is, as I think Black Hawk would attest to, absolutely crucial.
I really like your mission, Kyle.
👊🏻 right back at you brother. You’ve quickly become one of my favorite writers on Substack. Keep up the great work.
Man, love everything about this. Thank you.
Great piece as always
You are more than welcome, Kyle, thank you for jumping into it.
Society has never been more prepared to let us off the hook.
Do I want to lie a fuge of video games, KFC, and pot smoke?
“It’s all good. Don’t judge. Hey, we’ve all been there!”
But there’s an eternal pushback against such decay that comes from deep within us.
In the quiet moments, we cannot entirely drown out the disquiet, the mild anxiety accusing us: Am I using what I have and fixing what can be fixed, or just decaying?
Great piece, Sam!
Beautifully said, Andrew.
The identification of the problem is correct but the wrong root cause and hence the solution.
It’s not answering the self judge “what have you made of yourself” that relieves the anxiety at the core. That is, in fact, the source of the anxiety. It’s answering to a higher a power and a higher purpose, and how that power judges your performance and how have your actions advanced that higher purpose.
Even for Sauk it was the approving look of Black Hawk which assured him of his actions and drove him forward.
Phoenix, I appreciate the comment, but I look at it another way.
Paul Tillich is a Christian existentialist, and I agree with his belief that the question we must answer is the one we ask of ourselves. I do not see this as contradicting the Higher Power you're referencing. If anything, it supports it. This would be worth an essay in its own right.
As far as the Sauk, if you haven't read the autobiographies/biographies of Black Hawk, Red Cloud, Plenty Coup, Geronimo, Two Leggings, and others, I couldn't recommend it enough. They were all religious in the sense that they believed in a Higher Power, but their mourning after their way of life ended does not seem to have been relieved by that Higher Power. They lamented again and again about missing the raids on enemy camps, the risk, the danger, the freedom, the autonomy, and proving themselves as worth something in the eyes of their tribes and themselves. It aligned with what I had see in modern warriors as well.
Something to think about.
Your conclusion made me think of what I consider to be a “mitzvah”. The strict meaning is one of the 613 commandments given by G-d. I, as a not very practicing Jew, consider a “mitzvah” to do good deeds each day that result in a better world.
I really like this idea. Thank you for the share, Barry. A good deed a day throughout an entire lifetime would be incredible.
One of the interpretations is that behavior affects one’s attitudes or antidote for anxiety.
I can see it. Constant feedback with the world, knowing that at a minimum you have done something for someone somewhere.
Very interesting perspective.
Thank you.
Svana, this is a poetic ode that hits on something deep within us. I appreciate the note and thought behind it.