Thinking of a movie clip screened in a sweltering hot classroom at Camp Upshur Quantico Virginia, OCS summer of 1975. The clip? A Marine evac brutally wounded in the surgical tent on the table the Doctor’s working to save his life. They did but he lost an eye, two legs above the knee and an arm. The senior enlisted instructor himself a two time Vietnam warrior said something that sticks to this day. “He’s alive! I can assure you candidates he was very glad they did everything to get him off the battlefield and into surgery and to go on to live.” He went on to tell us that IF the Corps allowed us to be commissioned that we had a moral duty to save our Marines…it weighs heavy these days Sam, I feel like I (we) are failing you warriors of the GWOT, we need to do more. I am suffering. I am not dismayed. To suffer to save your men is a glorious suffering. I’ll take it. It took this post to figure out why my brain works the it does! Carry on Sam! We few we happy few…
Thank you Charles, but from my perspective, in no way shape or form are you and your generation failing the GWOT fighters. It is because of how the Vietnam warriors were treated that your generation has made sure we were welcomed home and given luxuries that were unthinkable in the 60-70's. We owe you nothing but gratitude. Stay in the fight!
Retreat hell, I just got here! Always in the fight, that is why i am not dismayed at suffering. It’s part of our aura! I feel as a commissioned officer a special obligation to care for the welfare of my men and women serving “with” me. I can not ask them to do something that I am not fully willing to do myself or if a lousy swimmer or shot at least give it my all to set the example. (Did you see the skipper swim??? Heeehhhheee! Anything for a morale boost. But, it goes without saying having been on that nasty side of the treatment stick post Vietnam, that there is a special obligation to help you GWOT warriors. We owe you guys.
I struggle to find that balance point between accepting things as they are and striving to make things as I wish them to be. It’s like one of those old balance board toys or a Mettler balance scale. “Success” probably means the swings from one side to the other are smaller over time (but never stop). Your essays help me with my radical acceptance practice (which is my weaker side). Thanks Sam!
You're welcome! There must be a reason for this in the human condition, and I wonder how much can be attributed to modernity. In the end its our burden now, one I grapple with far more than I would want to admit. I'm stoked you enjoyed it.
I definitely think we should, but I would align with Epictetus on the nuance for this one. For my part I try to keep my expectations on the things within my control. I do not expect for everything in life to go my way. If fact the exact opposite has been the case in many regards. All I expect is that I meet it and meet it as best I can, because that is simply the life I have been given. It was a revelation I had as a child, one I repeatedly betrayed, and one I keep coming back to. Maybe at some point I'll actually live by it in every sense.
What do you think? What has worked for you in the past?
Past? What past? I only look forward! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. What do they say? Past is prologue. Shakespeare, The Tempest.
I always used to worry that I didn’t plan my life. You hear all these people who should know that they planned their life out — where they go to school, who they marry, how many kids they have, where they live, what their career is. I never did that. Frankly, I just let fate happen. I was always open to change. Many of the jobs I had didn’t exist when I would’ve been in the planning stage as a young adult or teenager. I guess that’s a roundabout way of saying I didn’t have any expectations other than little ones. I expected my parents to live forever, I expected my friends to always be my friends, I expected to find a wonderful woman and live in a cottage by the sea complete with white picket fence. None of that happened. Am I content ? Pretty much. I think my lack of expectations made me more open to opportunities that came my way. Or maybe I just didn’t know how to set expectations.
Final thought, I think expectations get us in trouble when other people have expectations of us that we can’t meet or don’t want to meet.
I like this flow and perspective. Everyone has a slightly different approach and nuance, and yours is at least from my perspective pretty close to what I try to achieve. Your last point is fascinating—the impact of what we think other people want from us, accurate or inaccurate, takes a heavy toll. It's a point I didn't even think about including in this piece and I want to chew on for awhile now.
Everybody can learn from Colonel Guy Henry and from Sam Alaimo. Life involves pain. Deal with it. And try not to lie about it, either. Truth can hurt almost as much as a bullet through the skull. But in the end, all we have is truth. Damnit!
I have similar paragons of cheerfulness in suffering that I hold up before me. I've found it's actually not that hard for me to be in pain and be cheerful psychologically. The more insidious restraints for me are 1) Propriety 2) Signaling so the world and others know. In other words, I have bullshit reasons.
There is a part of my brain that insists that if I am cheerful, I am inviting suffering or saying that these circumstances are reasonable and acceptable. Therefore, I must signal opposition and indignation through steely quietude and let no sign of enjoyment leak through.
Nonsense. All of it. All the more reason to lean in and do better.
You’re not quite a poet but you’re certainly a poetic thinker and a writer of deep, poetic prose. The fate of Umbria in the Roman Civil Wars is completely on-brand for your unflinching and superbly written meditations about the ground of life and death.
"It becomes clear that it is not the absence of suffering but how beautifully we suffer that matters."
This beautiful line says it all for me.
Thank you Rea, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Thinking of a movie clip screened in a sweltering hot classroom at Camp Upshur Quantico Virginia, OCS summer of 1975. The clip? A Marine evac brutally wounded in the surgical tent on the table the Doctor’s working to save his life. They did but he lost an eye, two legs above the knee and an arm. The senior enlisted instructor himself a two time Vietnam warrior said something that sticks to this day. “He’s alive! I can assure you candidates he was very glad they did everything to get him off the battlefield and into surgery and to go on to live.” He went on to tell us that IF the Corps allowed us to be commissioned that we had a moral duty to save our Marines…it weighs heavy these days Sam, I feel like I (we) are failing you warriors of the GWOT, we need to do more. I am suffering. I am not dismayed. To suffer to save your men is a glorious suffering. I’ll take it. It took this post to figure out why my brain works the it does! Carry on Sam! We few we happy few…
Thank you Charles, but from my perspective, in no way shape or form are you and your generation failing the GWOT fighters. It is because of how the Vietnam warriors were treated that your generation has made sure we were welcomed home and given luxuries that were unthinkable in the 60-70's. We owe you nothing but gratitude. Stay in the fight!
Life goes up. Life goes down. It is a wave function. You can’t stop it no matter how hard you try.
Happiness is accepting both success and failure with equanimity knowing each is part of the struggle.
Retreat hell, I just got here! Always in the fight, that is why i am not dismayed at suffering. It’s part of our aura! I feel as a commissioned officer a special obligation to care for the welfare of my men and women serving “with” me. I can not ask them to do something that I am not fully willing to do myself or if a lousy swimmer or shot at least give it my all to set the example. (Did you see the skipper swim??? Heeehhhheee! Anything for a morale boost. But, it goes without saying having been on that nasty side of the treatment stick post Vietnam, that there is a special obligation to help you GWOT warriors. We owe you guys.
I struggle to find that balance point between accepting things as they are and striving to make things as I wish them to be. It’s like one of those old balance board toys or a Mettler balance scale. “Success” probably means the swings from one side to the other are smaller over time (but never stop). Your essays help me with my radical acceptance practice (which is my weaker side). Thanks Sam!
You're welcome! There must be a reason for this in the human condition, and I wonder how much can be attributed to modernity. In the end its our burden now, one I grapple with far more than I would want to admit. I'm stoked you enjoyed it.
Again, you have forced my feeble brain to think. Wisps of smoke are drifting out of my ears.
Stupid question. Should we have expectations? Or just acceptance? But then would that crush our dreams?
I definitely think we should, but I would align with Epictetus on the nuance for this one. For my part I try to keep my expectations on the things within my control. I do not expect for everything in life to go my way. If fact the exact opposite has been the case in many regards. All I expect is that I meet it and meet it as best I can, because that is simply the life I have been given. It was a revelation I had as a child, one I repeatedly betrayed, and one I keep coming back to. Maybe at some point I'll actually live by it in every sense.
What do you think? What has worked for you in the past?
Past? What past? I only look forward! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. What do they say? Past is prologue. Shakespeare, The Tempest.
I always used to worry that I didn’t plan my life. You hear all these people who should know that they planned their life out — where they go to school, who they marry, how many kids they have, where they live, what their career is. I never did that. Frankly, I just let fate happen. I was always open to change. Many of the jobs I had didn’t exist when I would’ve been in the planning stage as a young adult or teenager. I guess that’s a roundabout way of saying I didn’t have any expectations other than little ones. I expected my parents to live forever, I expected my friends to always be my friends, I expected to find a wonderful woman and live in a cottage by the sea complete with white picket fence. None of that happened. Am I content ? Pretty much. I think my lack of expectations made me more open to opportunities that came my way. Or maybe I just didn’t know how to set expectations.
Final thought, I think expectations get us in trouble when other people have expectations of us that we can’t meet or don’t want to meet.
I like this flow and perspective. Everyone has a slightly different approach and nuance, and yours is at least from my perspective pretty close to what I try to achieve. Your last point is fascinating—the impact of what we think other people want from us, accurate or inaccurate, takes a heavy toll. It's a point I didn't even think about including in this piece and I want to chew on for awhile now.
Everybody can learn from Colonel Guy Henry and from Sam Alaimo. Life involves pain. Deal with it. And try not to lie about it, either. Truth can hurt almost as much as a bullet through the skull. But in the end, all we have is truth. Damnit!
This is the heart of the matter. Thank you, Evan.
Brilliant, Sam.
I have similar paragons of cheerfulness in suffering that I hold up before me. I've found it's actually not that hard for me to be in pain and be cheerful psychologically. The more insidious restraints for me are 1) Propriety 2) Signaling so the world and others know. In other words, I have bullshit reasons.
There is a part of my brain that insists that if I am cheerful, I am inviting suffering or saying that these circumstances are reasonable and acceptable. Therefore, I must signal opposition and indignation through steely quietude and let no sign of enjoyment leak through.
Nonsense. All of it. All the more reason to lean in and do better.
That is a stellar psychological insight that I have felt as well. I'm here for leaning into it. Thanks Andrew.
Sam, I think this article will stir your warrior’s soul: https://open.substack.com/pub/callidaiunctura/p/men-of-assisi?r=exi3h&utm_medium=ios
This was a great essay. Thank you for sharing Chris.
You’re not quite a poet but you’re certainly a poetic thinker and a writer of deep, poetic prose. The fate of Umbria in the Roman Civil Wars is completely on-brand for your unflinching and superbly written meditations about the ground of life and death.
This is a generous compliment. I need to dig into Umbria more as this is a dark mark on my understanding of history!
Me too!
“Invincibility is to think on the worst case scenario and accept it with heart, mind, and soul.” Perfect… peace.
Thank you Barry. Peaceful indeed.