I was waiting for your concluding statement of loneliness being a matter of choice. I see it in our small community (4,400 homes) that offers over 150 clubs of interest, yet some choose to be alone. Maybe that’s OK being a hermit for some?
Again, we need look no further than our children for undeniable proof. Their dragons have been slain and thus they are robbed of the chance to face them. The quest over before it began, they’re left with senseless and angst-inducing distraction to occupy the racing mind.
Be it with the jungle gym, the sports field, the agony of defeat, or the schoolyard bully- they DESERVE their battle.
Rock on, Tim, and well said. It is a sin not to provide things like this for children, and it is irony that so many people restrict it out of love. Our world has made a riddle of itself.
Forensic examination of skeletal remains of people living as hunter-gatherer nomads (pre-agriculture) reveals bigger brains, greater height, fewer dental cavities and less disease burden (TB, malaria, malnutrition etc.). Modernity is making less of us.
It never ceases to amaze. It is stunning to see a 10,000 year old skull with perfectly symmetrical and white teeth and then compare it to crooked and yellowed teeth today. It says a great deal about progress. Thanks for the provoking thoughts, Baird.
Sam, I served with a lot of Marines who o were at Khe Shan and The Battle of Hue’ during the siege of Khe Shan and the fight at Tet. All recollected being absolutely miserable and just plain scared a lot of the time. And yet, so many absolutely hilarious stories, often punctuated by sudden lull’s in the battles, especially during Tet at Hue’. Like you and your warrior team in Afghanistan the fighting brought them so close to death that in many cases they stopped worrying about it. But, they had each other. I row a single shell, it can be enormously quiet where I row, just me and the sound of nature and the cavitating bubbles against the hull, the steady sound of oars dropping into the water and traveling to the next stroke. Equally, having rowed on the Charles River in the middle of Boston, one would think wow, that must be noisy and crazy and yeah, most times it is. But, every once in a while you get so lost in the moment, so lost in propelling the boat at speed that a bubble of silence surrounds you. It is really quite odd. I prefer where I row now, and can get equally as lost in the reverie of the moment. But, oddly I never feel “alone” too much going on, either in my overloaded coconut or nature around me. You have struck a nerve again Sam. Thanks for this post.
I would have enjoyed hearing their stories of Hue and Khe Shan. It is strange how unthanked they were and yet how well they fought and suffered; this combination makes their stories even more important. Your description of rowing reminded me of Thoreau—it sounds immersive, peaceful, satisfying, unlonely. Thank you for sharing.
Lordy they were something and they came home to just the worst. Hostility often openly directed at them, especially if traveling on orders in uniform. But the worst was the sullen indifference, people not willing or able to look them in the eyes. So they defaulted and climbed to the very tippy top of shut phuck mountain and shut the phuck up and shut the world out except for us younger Marines, who they schooled up in many many ways! I am indebted to them for life.
I suspect you would like rowing. I am not going to say it’s a cure for PTSD, but I suspect the exercise and mental effort needed to concentrate on this counterintuitive activity has great benefits! I mean it starts out wrong! We row backwards!
This is really it, isn't it: "We can only be crippled by meaninglessness when others are not dependent on us, when we are not called on to die for them, and when our deaths are not crucial to their survival. Our worth grows—and declines—in direct proportion to our usefulness to our tribe, and nowhere is usefulness more crucial than in danger."
My son was asking what I need from life these days...why I was feeling 'lonely'. I said I needed some more contact with my brothers, to feel part of the wolf pack I have always imagined us to be; battling internal foes together, banding together against external ones and celebrating the starlight and the sunrise. It's so damn simple. I too felt really isolated when I lived in Manhattan eons ago, and very accompanied when part of a team that shared a common mission, fraternal love and single-minded purpose. This mindset gets me through and I have to hold on to it in our modern and very isolating society where there are tons of people but not a lot of shared hardships that cement us together. It's a little secret in my teaching work that when I was 'easy' in my grading, the students didn't bond as well together. But when I give them Kobiyashi Maru- type projects, they 'suffered' (a little) together and loved the whole damn thing. Go figure.
This says it all: "When I give them Kobiyashi Maru- type projects, they 'suffered' (a little) together and loved the whole damn thing." Let's go. Danger does not need to be the thing that threatens death. It can also threaten our comfort. Thank you Anthony.
Let us dare to confront life's hardships internal and external, without whining. Alone when necessary, with others when possible. Thus sayeth Alaimo! Thank you Sam!
The problem though is that this solution is ultimately contrived and not legitimate. What you are prescribing to combat loneliness is basically fabricating an arbitrary enemy that proves to be dangerous. This in of itself defeats the premise of true danger by abstracting it and eroding the psychological certainty of physical danger.
Interesting point, Jan. I’m not sure the difference is as crucial as you suggest. The Crow were not only brought together by the enemy outside camp, but by the prospect of the enemy being outside camp. It was a constant psychological concern and reality. Is danger not still a constant reality despite being less frequent? Events around the world suggest it is indeed.
Thank you. The autobiography of Plenty-Coups has epic insight into the Crow way of life, and how danger brought them together in a way we rarely see at present.
I was waiting for your concluding statement of loneliness being a matter of choice. I see it in our small community (4,400 homes) that offers over 150 clubs of interest, yet some choose to be alone. Maybe that’s OK being a hermit for some?
I think it goes back to the difference between solitude and loneliness. The former is one of the best things, the latter one of the worst.
If you want peace, prepare for war.
Again, we need look no further than our children for undeniable proof. Their dragons have been slain and thus they are robbed of the chance to face them. The quest over before it began, they’re left with senseless and angst-inducing distraction to occupy the racing mind.
Be it with the jungle gym, the sports field, the agony of defeat, or the schoolyard bully- they DESERVE their battle.
To your masterfully worded point- they NEED it.
And so do we all.
Thank you for another profound piece.
Rock on, Tim, and well said. It is a sin not to provide things like this for children, and it is irony that so many people restrict it out of love. Our world has made a riddle of itself.
Forensic examination of skeletal remains of people living as hunter-gatherer nomads (pre-agriculture) reveals bigger brains, greater height, fewer dental cavities and less disease burden (TB, malaria, malnutrition etc.). Modernity is making less of us.
It never ceases to amaze. It is stunning to see a 10,000 year old skull with perfectly symmetrical and white teeth and then compare it to crooked and yellowed teeth today. It says a great deal about progress. Thanks for the provoking thoughts, Baird.
Sam, I served with a lot of Marines who o were at Khe Shan and The Battle of Hue’ during the siege of Khe Shan and the fight at Tet. All recollected being absolutely miserable and just plain scared a lot of the time. And yet, so many absolutely hilarious stories, often punctuated by sudden lull’s in the battles, especially during Tet at Hue’. Like you and your warrior team in Afghanistan the fighting brought them so close to death that in many cases they stopped worrying about it. But, they had each other. I row a single shell, it can be enormously quiet where I row, just me and the sound of nature and the cavitating bubbles against the hull, the steady sound of oars dropping into the water and traveling to the next stroke. Equally, having rowed on the Charles River in the middle of Boston, one would think wow, that must be noisy and crazy and yeah, most times it is. But, every once in a while you get so lost in the moment, so lost in propelling the boat at speed that a bubble of silence surrounds you. It is really quite odd. I prefer where I row now, and can get equally as lost in the reverie of the moment. But, oddly I never feel “alone” too much going on, either in my overloaded coconut or nature around me. You have struck a nerve again Sam. Thanks for this post.
I would have enjoyed hearing their stories of Hue and Khe Shan. It is strange how unthanked they were and yet how well they fought and suffered; this combination makes their stories even more important. Your description of rowing reminded me of Thoreau—it sounds immersive, peaceful, satisfying, unlonely. Thank you for sharing.
Lordy they were something and they came home to just the worst. Hostility often openly directed at them, especially if traveling on orders in uniform. But the worst was the sullen indifference, people not willing or able to look them in the eyes. So they defaulted and climbed to the very tippy top of shut phuck mountain and shut the phuck up and shut the world out except for us younger Marines, who they schooled up in many many ways! I am indebted to them for life.
I suspect you would like rowing. I am not going to say it’s a cure for PTSD, but I suspect the exercise and mental effort needed to concentrate on this counterintuitive activity has great benefits! I mean it starts out wrong! We row backwards!
This is really it, isn't it: "We can only be crippled by meaninglessness when others are not dependent on us, when we are not called on to die for them, and when our deaths are not crucial to their survival. Our worth grows—and declines—in direct proportion to our usefulness to our tribe, and nowhere is usefulness more crucial than in danger."
Well done Sam!
Thank you Chris!
My son was asking what I need from life these days...why I was feeling 'lonely'. I said I needed some more contact with my brothers, to feel part of the wolf pack I have always imagined us to be; battling internal foes together, banding together against external ones and celebrating the starlight and the sunrise. It's so damn simple. I too felt really isolated when I lived in Manhattan eons ago, and very accompanied when part of a team that shared a common mission, fraternal love and single-minded purpose. This mindset gets me through and I have to hold on to it in our modern and very isolating society where there are tons of people but not a lot of shared hardships that cement us together. It's a little secret in my teaching work that when I was 'easy' in my grading, the students didn't bond as well together. But when I give them Kobiyashi Maru- type projects, they 'suffered' (a little) together and loved the whole damn thing. Go figure.
This says it all: "When I give them Kobiyashi Maru- type projects, they 'suffered' (a little) together and loved the whole damn thing." Let's go. Danger does not need to be the thing that threatens death. It can also threaten our comfort. Thank you Anthony.
Let us dare to confront life's hardships internal and external, without whining. Alone when necessary, with others when possible. Thus sayeth Alaimo! Thank you Sam!
Fantastic.
Thanks for digging in.
The problem though is that this solution is ultimately contrived and not legitimate. What you are prescribing to combat loneliness is basically fabricating an arbitrary enemy that proves to be dangerous. This in of itself defeats the premise of true danger by abstracting it and eroding the psychological certainty of physical danger.
Interesting point, Jan. I’m not sure the difference is as crucial as you suggest. The Crow were not only brought together by the enemy outside camp, but by the prospect of the enemy being outside camp. It was a constant psychological concern and reality. Is danger not still a constant reality despite being less frequent? Events around the world suggest it is indeed.
Great essay Sam! Where did you get your inspiration for this week?
Thank you. The autobiography of Plenty-Coups has epic insight into the Crow way of life, and how danger brought them together in a way we rarely see at present.
Excellent Sam you are a great and imaginative writer.
Thank you, Don.